Normally, when you hear someone say that she's beautiful on the inside, one assumes the euphemism and pictures someone 'less than attractive' on the outside. Well, we spent an hour with Dr. Shamberger on Tuesday afternoon, and he showed us Tessa's innards, slice by MRI slice in perfect clarity. Well, our baby girl really is beautiful on the inside. He even said her tumor was beautiful (as far as paraspinal tumors go)! We were also able to see the part of the tumor that is growing into her spine between the vertebrae.
He gave us a tentative surgery date: April 23. She'll be in the hospital for five days. That means that Jo and I will be in the hospital with her for five days, as neither of us can really envision leaving her behind and driving away. We continue to be thankful that my mom is here to help us!
It was an odd conversation with the surgeon in many ways. First, I was only able to pay attention for bits and pieces of it, because Tessa decided to be high maintenance: using me as a human jungle gym, demanding "Momma's hair" to play with, talking rather loudly and generally making it impossible for me to hear or process anything Dr. Shamberger was saying. Eventually, we removed her to the waiting room where "A'Ly" (my mom) was reading to Justin.
It was also odd in that, since Tessa's tumor has been caught so early, the surgeon was very confident and almost relaxed about getting it out. He described some "really challenging" tumors that he's had to work on this year, some that have wrapped around the spine, invaded the liver and other organs, or grown into the lung or muscle tissue. In contrast, it sounded like Tessa's tumor was almost insignificant to him - or perhaps that it just wasn't very interesting.
Which put me into a state of disequilibrium: This is a big deal to me. Tessa's tumor is a big deal. They have to open up our little girl and cut it out. But compared to so many kids we have seen while at Children's, we also know how blessed we are in catching it early. So it almost feels like we don't have the right to be afraid, or worried, because so many others are so much worse off. But in the real world, knowing how fortunate we are doesn't remove any of the apprehension and emotion we face knowing that our little girl is sick. So we're living in paradox: we're grieving and celebrating; we're burdened and blessed; we're fearful and thankful. We're working through the uncertainty and darkness as we celebrate God's grace and provision.
1 comment:
Hi Tim & Jo, just wanted to reassure you that if the doctor is very UNEXCITED about Tessa's tumor, that is a GOOD THING! I remember feeling the same way when Naomi was having her pre-surgery MRIs and consults with her neurosurgeon and neurologist. They were all acting like drilling into my little girl's skull and implanting a device in her brain ventricle was about as challenging as changing the oil in their cars. Whereas I was, of course, a basket case in the fullest sense of the word.
However, it really was good news because her condition was, relatively speaking, pretty mild and the fact that she had no fascinating brain malformations made it rather dull for the surgeon but very good indeed for HER.
Also keep in mind that surgeons, in general, often have terrible bedside manners. They are not warm and fuzzy doctors; they are very focused on the specific problem to be solved and they tend to seem rather cold and detached in terms of dealing with the whole patient. Unpleasant as that may be, you really do want a rather cold but brilliant surgeon vs. a warm and loving guy who doesn't know which end of a scalpel is the sharp end! Naomi's neurosurgeon has pretty limited social skills, but he is No. 1 in his field in terms of surgical prowess. The nurses all reassured me that he was the best there was, and as they were all pretty free with their opinions about which docs were good and which docs were not so good I tended to believe them!
Anyway, hang in there. I know how hard it is waiting and dealing with the uncertainty, but really the fact that they haven't said "WE NEED TO GET THIS KID INTO SURGERY YESTERDAY!" is a very good sign.
You all remain in our prayers every day!
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